- Religious One Liners
- Here's to the sun God Re`, He sure is a fun God
when he shines his power upon us, Re`, Re`, Re` ...!!!!!
- A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether
there are two
- Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you'd
make a nice
- If God is watching us, the least we can do is be
- I am an agnostic pagan. I doubt the existence of
- There are two kinds of people: those who say to
God: Thy will be
done, and those to whom God says: All right, then, have it your way when you go to Burger
King! - C.S. Lewis
- Never invoke the gods unless you really want them
to appear. It annoys them very much. -- G.K. Chesterton
- Make God laugh - plan for the future.
- I am ready to meet my maker. Whether or not my
maker is prepared
for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill
- A high priest of witchcraft, a Jewish rabbi, and a
minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
- When you do a good deed, take your time til you
grow old, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
- Adam to Eve: I'll wear the plants in this family!
- Eve to Adam: Pphhh! Right?!?! But take a good
guess who grows and nurtures the plants honey!! Bite me and move it over til I have them
ready, if I hang it out honey, so can you and your dingle-ling!
- And on the 8th day God said, OK Murphy, you take
- And on the 8th day, Murphy said "let's all
- Blessed are the Fundamentalists, for they shall
inhibit the earth.
- Give me some of that old-time Religion... HAIL
- If money is the root of all evil, why do churches
want it so
- Instant shaman - add one drum and beat slowly.
- Jesus loves you. Then again, so does Barney.
- Jesus Saves... Passes to Moses. Shoots... He
- That was Zen. This is Tao.
- Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever
- The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also
to love our
enemies, probably because they are generally the same people.
- The lion and the calf shall lie down together but
the calf won't
get much sleep.
- To YOU I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the Loyal
- On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God
see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.
- And the evolutionists swims with it,..... and
really gets 'all ducky' about it!!
- But when did I realize when I was a witch, when I
knew I could do magick when the Universe that runs all the religions, promoted me as such!
- God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid
- If you freeze to death and end up in hell...
wouldn't you be
really comfortable some point along the way? Or do you need the heater or the AC
on???? C'mon, .... we are waiting!!!
- If Jesus came back today and saw what was being
done in his name,
he'd never stop throwing up. Keep passing the pails!!!!
- If God is inside us, then I hope he likes fajita's,
italian, sushi, starbuck's coffee, steak and potatoes, beer, wine, and a cup of desire,
cause that's what he's getting.
- I have free rent with my Goddess, as long as I am
good, we are One! Right Goddess!?
- Confession without repentance is just bragging. -
- They think, therefore I am. - God
- SATAN, SATAN! It's the main megafurnace! She's
losin' power and
the temperature is dropping fast! I'm not sure if I can hold her! ---
Scotty in Hell..
- Go thou and sin more creatively next time.
- Every time someone predicts the date of the end of
the world, God
pushes the date back a little, just to be funny.
|One day in the Garden of
Eden, Eve calls out to God. "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and
all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm
just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a
man for you."
"What's a man, Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits.
He'll lie, cheat, and be vain, glorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard
time. But..he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and he will
satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in
childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be
too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great." says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
What's the catch, Lord?"
"Well ... you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll
have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our
little secret...You know, woman to woman."